January 2011
1 post
rather than make a resolution, why not choose a song, one that exemplifies the person you’d like to be this year, and every time you’re lost, listen to it.
November 2010
2 posts
i’m not sure if we had ever gone through her, or tried to, but we gave her 30 and she disappeared and it sucks to get ripped off when you’re buying drugs because even fifteen minutes can be a fucking eternity and when you wait for over an hour and that thought finally burrows its way into your plane of unwelcome acceptance you would have trouble focusing on a conversation with god...
Visiting home once I ran into a kid I had met in middle school working at Subway. He was a real arrogant prick back then. But now, grown up, I could see it in his eyes, “help me, I’m stuck.” And I thought, wow, life is one hell of an equalizer. And then I thought, no it’s not, life fucks over good people and awards pricks all the time. Then it dawned on me, life does...
September 2010
3 posts
Static, static, static... love Part 3
I watched the little girl wander, intermittently blind and cloudy until her flower of a mother realized her err and returned to the pathetic and adorably insignificant child. And it was that moment that I, as a spirit, acted. Because I saw every tiny, monumental, or contradictory change that encompassed Julia’s conscious shift from audible desperation to reclusive safety, all those foolish...
Static, static, static... love Part 2
And in a dimension without me her adopted mother was that patient caregiver, simply someone to fuck her out of strength and will and self and to carry her gently amongst the thorns and dusted winds, stingingly vulnerable, stretching out her own selfish contentment of being needed, until the day foretold for all parents when her skeleton was too weak for the demands of a dependent and she simply...
Static, static, static... love Part 1
We could have flown anywhere. This is the seed, not the self-mutilation that initially attracted me to her, not the fact that she learned how to lose weight and preserve an image that might’ve saved the last mirror in her house had it arrived just a few months sooner, and it wasn’t the year she spent most mornings blindfolded or eyes simply taped against the light that reflected...
August 2010
1 post
all i can ask for is that my last words be “well, I’ve had enough”
July 2010
1 post
belief in a god is so popular because it’s so fucking convenient to have someone to flip off at a moment’s notice.
May 2010
1 post
conversations with man.
The core of addiction has nothing to do with cravings, triggers, associations, people, places, things, or even relapse. The core of addiction is a single, unforgettable insight that changes everything. Because when you’ve gotten that real, real high, beyond experimenting, that high that puts you right back into the womb, it dwarfs any natural reward that life can offer. And from that day...
April 2010
5 posts
the guitarist
Soft, safe, sad, painful, but movie painful, safe danger, safe danger and pain, safe because it was manufactured, not by reality but rather through a human mind, soft and sad but safe was the musical theme at that open-mic. Amateur musicians crouched over stools, doing all they could to physically envelope an acoustic guitar while playing patient, safe, cradling chords. And through...
it would have been a mistake, and it would have...
And eventually it would no longer be a mistake.
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The real scientist
Nobody said it was easy?
…And the more we trade in hopes to shake the chains of indoctrination, the more we begin to sense that truth is not really all that important; that the indoctrinated die so much more fulfilled than the free.
Corey Part 1
I met Corey at the end of the first grade, sometime in May as I approached the far end of our kickball field that had originally been intended for baseball but had resembled even from its infancy a deserted parking lot left to decay, bits of pavement intermittent with sand and rock and expended coal and those impressive yet curious blades of grass that, through perhaps some sort of mob mentality,...
conversation with birds
From a random article: “The female bird is recovering from an injured wing and other injuries sustained when the couple slammed beak-first into a hard snowbank in what her rescuers believe was an aerial courting ritual gone awry. The male eagle died in the impact, which left the birds buried upside down at least two feet in the snow in the town of Valdez.”
-I guess birds and...
March 2010
2 posts
One day in May
One day in May it snowed in California. Ten inches fell across the newly reaching crops, oranges that were denied the chance to be, despite all the genetic ammunition they had been given, crying against a world and a god so cruel. And on that day in May even death was surprised at the heartlessness of the creator. He swirled in his pattern around the globe, much reflecting the cartoonish orbit of...
Conversations with Man, revisited
How does an addict finally get clean? He sells himself the lie that eventually, if he stays sober, works hard enough, and gets it all figured out, he can someday reach the point at which he can endlessly get high without ever running out.
I asked the dealer what he was selling and he simply replied, “Just a few more moments in the womb, just a few more moments in the womb.”
February 2010
1 post
Did you Know that I loved You Part 3
Before meeting his wife, the catalyst in which his life finally found its proper fairway, Sean drove a garbage truck. When he began, twenty-one years old with an unblemished bachelors of science in philosophy, his arms were not those of a man. And it was often this smaller stature that was the center of conversation amongst his coworkers. Riding along the crisp streets at five in the morning,...
January 2010
2 posts
Did you Know that I loved You Part 2
Sean was unfamiliar with longshore beach. There was a longshore beach some one hundred miles north but Sean’s life experience still compelled him to induce (infect) rationality and simplicity into his passengers so he thought (hoped) it might be in reference to an establishment with a similar name. And the perpetually calm and consistently disruptive GPS device attached to Sean’s windshield...
Did you Know that I loved You Part 1
Did you know, that I loved you.
It might as well begin at the broken security kiosk on the corner of North UIC’s campus, across the street from a donut shop with flashing neon that could only manage to suggest a growing oval shape that in no discernable way actually resembled a donut. The short circuit running the inner leg of the hard plastic structure, fused and short circuited from its...
October 2009
2 posts
Because it Isn't Part 3
Brian’s throat stung. He tried again to swallow hardened phlegm. Still half obstructed from consciousness, his alarm clock sounded and felt like a wailing infant and Brian grabbed its shoulders, ready to shake it, shake it quiet, when his wife not gently shook his shoulder, saying
“Come on honey, wake up. It’s almost noon and Thomas has to be at class in an hour.” Brian...
Because it Isn't Part 2
Chriss had recieved an email two weeks prior to senior finals outlining in chromatic detail Brian’s lustful tricollision with its author. The news of his departure from trust hit them both at precisely the same velocity. Brian and Julie were gluing facts together at four in the morning. His stomach felt neasious from fatigue, the aderol beginning to wear, and persuasive arguments that once...
July 2009
1 post
Because It Isn't Part 1
Do not panic, evacuate now. Do not panic, evacuate now. Do not panic. Do not panic. Brian was evacuated to this planet at the same time the marijuana minute kicked in on the same day the country was celebrating its liberty. He dangled for a moment, weaving like the dried leaf desperately fighting the wind’s persistant psuh, hanging on to those final moments where it was actually part of...
June 2009
3 posts
A Second Chance Part 4
Jess didn’t notice that the GPS-MP3 player had been replaced with Ben’s old CD player. As Ben slid the Richard Marx CD into its mouth Jess was finally awed with its presence and she still held her hair from her face even though the car’s body completely shielded her from the wind as if she were enthralled with her ability to finally control her hair. And when Jess saw Ben’s sheepish smile as Now...
Second Chance Part 3
Jess’s appointment was for 7:30 and they arrived fifteen minutes early. The parking lot was almost as deserted as the street filling a mere five percent of its two-hundred-slot capacity. The small group of present vehicles was isolated to one corner of the lot and Ben parked away from them. Their destination was an annex to the left of the hospital. As they approached the generic glass doorway,...
Second Chance Part 2
A week ago Jess had bought a home testing kit. It was positive and she buried it in her neighbor’s trash can. She didn’t tell Ben. She wanted to, but she didn’t know how. And only because the kit’s manual told her to do so, she made the doctor’s appointment. A child didn’t compute into either of their lives. They were both in school and they both lived from one paycheck to the next. She was a...
May 2009
2 posts
The Book of Henry Part 1
*Been wanting to write this for a while, but could never figure out how. I still don’t know how but fuck it I’m doin it anyway.
When his only son was buried between the jagged silver spirals of a chain-link fence, taken apart by the momentum of an alcoholic motorcycle joyride and sharp steel, Henry woke with the knowledge. And across the world, hour by hour, the rest of us awoke with...
Second Chance Part 1
Ben was at work when his girlfriend received the news. In his single-piece gray uniform that made him appear as though he had just escape from the local prison, crawling through the greased piping until he was able to lose sight in the sun’s brilliance, he pumped people’s gas and cleaned their windshields even if they weren’t dirty because it passed the time. And despite the name stitched...
April 2009
5 posts
The Motions, an Echelon of Beauty Part 8
I woke for a second time and noticed that the sun had shifted its position. It hovered directly over my eyes but, as though it were partially eclipsed, staring into its absolute retinal stimulation was only as painful as a tender stroke after intimacy and like that stroke I knew the light was doing irreparable damage while causing no pain at all. I sat up quickly, licking my dry lips, and was...
Ricky but Rick when he wants to Impress Part ??
Ricky did a lot of things that didn’t make sense. When we were freshman, he once discarded every bit of perishable and non-perishable food from his house, even going to the lengths of removing all spices, sauces, and even old pretzels and bits of potato chips in and behind the sofas. When I confronted him about it, he told me that he wanted to see what it was like to have every bit of food...
Adoration, sleep, and sense
I rang Eva when I returned with my smokes. Earlier that Saturday she had called. Instead of answering I silenced the phone. The voicemail was cute; she sounded tired, carrying bags at Macy’s, she was going to get lunch with a coworker, she loved me, I was so cute last night, call her. She was speaking her inner-voice, unadulterated. The tone reflected what each sentence meant to her, void of any...
The Cook and The Change
Three years ago I didn’t have a girl in the war. I sweat for myself and felt complete. It was hard finding work and it had nothing to do with the economy. I was washing dishes at a small restaurant, walking home from work with open cuts from the sharp edges of industrial pans. These cuts never really closed on account of the strong sterilizer we used in the rinse. The upper layers of my finger...
The Motions, An Echelon of Beauty Part 7
I woke up, my entire body itching. The sun still beat down unopposed but I sensed below my reasonable conscious that something was missing. My bare arms stung from the tiny rocks that lay mixed within the sandy-grass that I had fallin into. Sitting up, I brushed bits of dirt and dead grass from my skin, revealing a web of imprints and wrinkles that threatened to be permanent though I knew they...
March 2009
16 posts
The Bed and Breakfast and The Kiss
That night, there were five of us. Sean brought his girlfriend, with whom I shared a very tumultuous history. That history floated between us whenever we were in the same room and it was readily detectable by anyone. Because of this, I rarely saw the two of them at the same time. But it wasn’t to save us the discomfort that Sean avoided these situations. Between the lines of a friendship, I...
Cleaning out Closets Part 3B (Creative Writing...
*I almost remember writing this one because I was in a pissy mood and didn’t feel like doing my homework. But, I do remember for some reason everyone loved it. I still don’t see what they saw in it, but some comments are funny. It was supposed to be a story of truth and lies.
“500 mg of Thorazine”
The Thorazine is finally beginning to take its effects....
Cleaning out Closets Part 3 (Creative Writing)
*Found my old folder from Intro to Creative Writing. A couple pieces in here I think were pretty good. But, I think the best part of looking over this were the comments from other students. There were a couple girls in there that a had crush on me and I remember one telling me that she used to read my stuff to her friends she liked it so much. So you can totally see it in their comments. Also,...
Cleaning out Closets Part 2 (Poetry)
*This is more from cleaning out closets. I failed Survey of Forms: Poetry because I never went to class and the professor didn’t accept email submissions. However, I did most of the assignments. I kept this that I wrote for the sonnet assignment because I kind’ve dig it. It’s the rough draft. One night in hell I told my racist friend
About a river ringed in blood and pain
That...
Cleaning Out Closets
*So I spent some time cleaning out my closets today, and I found some old coursework that I had saved for whatever reason. Anyway, I thought some of it was pretty funny.
Physics - I failed physics, but besides that point, we had a really stupid activity after every test. Basically, we could correctly answer the questions we got wrong, and then fill out a questionnaire and get something lame like...
The Motions, An Echelon of Beauty Part 6
I got off the elevator and realized that I had just had a conversation with the third floor janitor Bob about cleaning bathroom stalls. I was so wrapped in thought and tape that I didn’t know I had ever opened my mouth until I was walking past the front desk, unemployed, wishing that I was unemployed as well. But I couldn’t shake the image of Bob’s 409 cleaner. He dropped it on his way into the...
Ricky but Rick when he wants to impress Part 5
*I’ve finally found peace with this story.
Ricky’s grandmother lived in his home, encapsulated in a single twin-bed-room that barely had room for her old rocking chair that somehow was silent even on the driest of days, the most ferocious of days. She had wrinkles emanating from her mouth in the patter of whiskers, deeply set, creating a shadow, making her look as though she had once...
Ricky but Rick when he wants to impress part 4
I only saw Ricky cry once. Perhaps he cried many more times as a young adult and then more as an adult until finally, as an elder man he realized that the vulnerability of tears was unnecessary and damaging. But he cried because he was fat. We sat in his room that stunk of cheap incense and marijuana, listening to undiscovered rock, undiscovered like trash discarded along a forest trail might stay...
The Motions, An Echelon of Beauty Part 5
We are humans, are we not? That must be worth something, something real, something like love.
The lobby was empty and with the lack of customer presence, my manager was able to yell, “what the fuck” and I glazed my own eyes and ears to follow him into the back office. He wanted to know where the fuck I had fucking been, what the fuck I thought I was fucking doing, who the fuck I fucking thought I...
The Motions (An Echelon of Beauty) Part 4
Here we are, here we are.
As I opened my driver’s side door, I kicked something soft and round. Curious, I got down onto my hands and knees and peered into the cool shade underneath my vehicle and noticed that it had been an onion I kicked. I let me chest press on the pavement and reached for the onion, rolling it with my fingertips until I could grasp it firmly.
The onion was only slightly torn....
Ricky but Rick when he wants to Impress Part 3
Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, poor Ricky, I thought of you today Ricky. When I looked in her eyes, I thought of you Ricky because there was something in her eyes that terrified me Ricky. I wanted to scream but it wasn’t really a scream like a vocal shout that’s an affront to every vibrational molecule but it was a howl but not even a howl because it wasn’t meant to be heard and it wasn’t at something or...
The Motions: An Echelon of Beauty Part 3
*This is that story from college that is beyond repair but really I’m trying cause fuck it I was proud of it at the time… this section, believe it or not, is based, in part, on a true story. I forget the guy’s name but I think I saw it on the History Channel some years ago. Blew me away.
In a morning no different from any other, might as well have been January because the...
This is why i'm completely insane
*This is a typical conversation with Colin. You’d be insane too if you talked to him on a daily basis.
Colin (4:06:18 PM): i think we should start pronouncing all words with an internal “LL” like we’re spanish
Colin (4:06:20 PM): so like tortilla
Greg (4:06:29 PM): what do u mean
Colin (4:06:49 PM): like TORTEEYA
Colin (4:06:55 PM): so we’ll say like
Colin...
Ricky but Rick when he wants to impress Part 2
His name was Ricky but Rick when he wanted to impress. But Rick was a lie and when he said Rick it was like watching someone speed by a cop and not get pulled over. Ricky told me at one point, we were smoking in the outer-basement of my grow-up-home and the smoke was hardly being inhaled but rather was exhaled in such a thick puff of white smoke that you might have thought it was really some sort...
Ricky but Rick when he wants to impress Part 1...
I’m having a hard time starting something new. I can’t think of a plot that strikes me. I still felt like writing though, so I figured I’d just do some exersize that I remember from seventh grade. We were told to just write whatever we thought. I started it and when an actual scene formed I just ran with it for a little bit.
I haven’t gotten anything. I cant think of anything. I...
Elimidate Part 1
*For those that don’t already know, Elimidate was one of the best original reality dating shows. It was basically just 1 guy or girl and 4 contendors. There wasn’t any prize really. They just went to bars, drank a lot, and each “round” one of the contendors was “elimidated” until there was one remaining winner. That was it.
It was only after opening the mail on...
February 2009
8 posts
The Motions; An Echelon of Beauty Part 2
**Continuing to try and salvage this thing I wrote in college..
I knew that at any moment I’d fall asleep behind the wheel. My line of mourners had guided me to a long stretch of straight road that traveled through open fields with very few trees and no houses. The road was lined on both sides by two foot deep ditches, and I was surprised to notice that there seemed to be more trash lining the...
The Motions; An Echelon of Beauty Part 1
**Note: I worked on this project throughout college and, at the time, I really dug it. But, I dunno, I’m really trying to salvage this thing but I’m rapidly concluding that this is beyond repair. I mean, is it possible to “repair” something that didn’t work in the first place? But fuck it I tried.
Chapter 1:
This place is exhausted. It’s tired and in fact even a...